I crave a passion.
Something I can throw myself into whole heartedly, something I love doing. But i don’t know what I love doing. It’s not even a case of “Oh I love this.. But that wouldn’t pay well.” It’s more the fact i don’t know what I like to do in general. I don’t want my working life to be a monotonous task I don’t like, which only purpose to accomodate a lifestyle. That’s the opposite of what i want. I want to be able to give my everything to what I do as a career, I want to be enveloped in my job, to truly enjoy doing it.
But here I am, merely coasting through university, doing “enough” to get by and come out with a decent grade. For what?
Do I enjoy being here? No.
Do i enjoy my course? No.
Do i enjoy my surroundings? No.
Do i like the path it’s taking me down? No no no!
But here I am, writing reports on topics I have no interest in. Designing products I don’t care about, all to end up with a percentage. To end up in a category of people who also share a certificate which somehow places them above others. I’m spending thousands upon thousands of pounds for a piece of paper which will state something along the lines of:
I have performed well in this particular field, although I have absolutely no interest in it, nor do I wish to pursue it any further.
What a great use of my money.
As you can probably tell, I’m feeling pretty down on myself at the moment.. I’m lost; alone in the dark without a flashlight or even a lightbulb idea that could somehow lead me towards a lit path.